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Deez Chips!

i used to like Chips Ahoy! crunchy..yes. can buy Costco size...yes. but then they started to really piss me off. Not only have the cookies become progressively smaller (don't give me that "you have just grown up since you were a kid and therefore your perception has changed" crap. i haven't grown taller since i was five. i think i can legally get a blue parking permit because of my height) but their name too has begun to anger me...

Chips Ahoy! What's the deal? Are you supposed to be a sailor who sails the plain cookie sea who excitedly called out to his shipmates CHIPS AHOY! when you see a cookie with a shitload of chocolate chips? I can see a 58 year old mothers dragging their whining kids around Vons...pushing around shopping carts wanting to kill themselves when off in the distance one of them spots a blue bag of cookies. Chips Ahoy! Chips Ahoy! she shouts to her fellow aerobi-sizors as they make a mad dash for the one thing that will shut their kids' pie-holes. I don't think so.

And why Chips Ahoy!? There are many other brands of cookies that sport chocolate chips that are much better. The Keebler Elf Mafia (our brothers representing Tree-Side West biatch!) can make a fine cookie that beats the pants off of a crusty ass Chips Ahoy!.

Furthermore, why the exclamation point after the Ahoy? Does Nabisco think people will really be *that* excited to see some chocolate chips? Ok, maybe Snoop. Or Dave Chappelle. But other than them, I'm sorry but i don't like big companies deciding for me how excited i should be about a freaking cookie. they can all say Ahoy! to deez nutz.

i don't know. maybe i should just stop huffing gold paint.

-fo life.


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